i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
