Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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