My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
