last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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