please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
