piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
