Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
