just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
