The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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