I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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