Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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