I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're a waste of cheezeits
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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