i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
