I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
