First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
