I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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