composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
