It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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