I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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