my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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