He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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