I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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