He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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