a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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