the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We're too hungover to prance.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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