Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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