Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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