This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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