Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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