I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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