I think my fart just growled at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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