i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
