Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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