Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
