Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im six kinds of drunk right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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