i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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