I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When are your genitals available?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
