You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
