There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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