one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
