and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
