We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Pants are for mortals
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
