So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
