i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
