I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
