She said her name was "party"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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