I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
