apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
