So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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