last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
