is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
