the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
