she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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