I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
