Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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