"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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