i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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