This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
