I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
