I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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